Here an IEP, There an IEP, Everywhere an IEP...

There are 4 days a year that I dread.  Not dislike, but really hate.  You know where the night before, your stomach starts to gurgle in anticipation of the following day.  In the morning you are grouchy, tense, and have difficulty getting along with others.  Others steer clear to avoid your wrath.  For me, those four days are my visits to the doctor, dentist, and Bella's annual IEP (Individualized Education Plan) meeting.

Yesterday was Bella's annual IEP meeting.  Not only was it the IEP meeting, but it was her 3 year review where lots of tests are given over a months period to evaluate her progress and requalify her for the next 3 years of services.  Even more fun.  I don't care which child it is, I really dislike seeing all of their needs/problems written down in black and white.  It is something that does not get easier over time.  So every year I have the same goal for myself before the meeting.  Don't be too emotional!  In simple terms, that means don't have a breakdown and cry like a baby.  Well, I can't say I was totally successful with the goal, but I almost made it all the way through and the tears were short lived.  I guess I'm just a highly emotional person and the meetings are just too emotionally charged.

In the meeting we went over all of the tests given to Bella over the past month.  Most were given to her by her Deaf/Hard of Hearing teacher, some by her speech teacher, and the other was the standardized MAP test which everyone in grades 3-12 take 2x a year.  The good news was that the leader of the IEP meeting gave me the full report to read through on Monday, so I wouldn't be caught off guard by any of the results.  That was so helpful (Thanks Deana!) and allowed me to think through questions and comments before the meeting.  The last time Bella had this big battery of tests for her IEP was in Kindergarten and you can imagine how much has changed since then.

Here's a quick overview of the test results for anyone who's interested:

• CELF test (Clinical Evaluation of Language Fundamentals)- Her scores in Receptive Language were above average and for Expressive language they were average
• CASL test (Comprehensive Assessment of Spoken Language)-This test measures knowledge/use of words, grammar, and awareness of the appropriateness of language in specific situations.  Bella was in the average range when compared to same-aged peers.
• Academic testing reflected needs in the areas of math and reading comprehension.  No big surprises there.

Overall, I was pleased to see improvements in the areas of following directions, story recall, and figurative language (i.e. idioms, inferences).  She still struggles with story recall after time has elapsed due to her short term memory issues.  Also, the next IEP is going to have a strong focus on strengthening her reading comprehension as that is a significant need at this point.  I am confident that it will get better if we all attack it together (meaning at home and school) because repetition is what works best for Bella.

Erick wasn't able to make it to the meeting, but he had his own stressful day.  He spilled coffee on his work computer (and thought he had to buy a new one because it stopped working) and he left his car lights on at Target while taking a work call and burned out the battery.

What made the day better for both of us?  Harry got his 1st touchdown ever in his football game.  And it was the game winning touchdown at that.  He was playing running back and took the ball 40 yards for the touchdown.  Yeah Harry!!!!

Here's to a new day...

I See the World from Both Sides Now...

This morning I was taking a shower.  As I looked around for soap, I reached for a favorite body wash that Erick always brings back from his many hotel travels.  It's by Bliss and up until today I was under the impression it was called "Soapy Soap."  Whenever I used it, it made me happy because I found the name funny and upbeat.  Today when I grabbed it, I noticed that it was actually called "Soapy Sap".  I was a little taken a back after seeing this.  Now understand that it was the same exact product; same smell, same color, everything that made it "it", but the fun name that I thought it had, was gone.  "Soapy Sap" reminds me more of a tree and as I looked closer, its green color and outdoor scent started to make more sense.  Having had this experience, I began to think about how perceptions shape our lives on a daily basis.

One perception a lot of people have is that Minnesota is part of the arctic tundra. While this is definitely the case some parts of the year,  lately we've actually been enjoying a beautiful fall.  The leaves have changed color and most of them have fallen off, yet the temperatures remain mild.  Last weekend the kids and I went to an apple orchard with my sister and her family.  The temps were in the 80's and we were HOT!  There are some things that are better with cooler weather and visiting the apple orchard is one of them.  I'm not going to complain.  I'd be happy if this weather was year round.

Another perception that has changed this week, is that Becca's transition to High School would be easy and stress free.  You might have read a few weeks ago, that we all went out to dinner to celebrate the school year going well.  Welcome to week 5.  It appears that the Montessori background that Becca has been raised with for the past 8 years is producing some stumbling blocks in the "traditional school" environment.  There is a bit of a "laissez faire" approach in a Montessori education in which teachers use a hands off approach and let the children develop on their own.  For the most part it produces great results where kids become free thinkers and come up with their own ideas.  What Becca is struggling with right now is balancing her own ideas with what her teachers are asking her to do.  Put simply, when the teacher tells you that these 50 items will be checked in your science notebook the following day, they are serious.  Pulling out side notes that are not in your notebook will produce a loss of points.  Not checking your math homework because you are certain you did it correctly will result in low scores on tests.  What Montessori taught Becca is invaluable; how to think outside the box.  Now we need to help Becca learn the opposite; thinking inside the box and following teacher's instructions to the letter will produce good grades.  It's tough to change the way someone views as the right way to tackle assignments (especially when that someone is very strong willed), but if we don't help Becca alter her perceptions of how to do homework, the next 4 years will be a nightmare. 

It's hard to change your perceptions.  Don't believe me?  Just ask all the Minnesota Vikings fans that are trying to come to terms that the current Vikings football team is a shell of its 2009 self.  And the return of Randy Moss is not the answer...

I Got No Expectations...

Well the title of this blog post is a dream, not a reality.  This week has been full of expectations; some exceeded, some met, and others left for another day.  

First off, Becca had her first debate tournament.  It was a very hectic morning since it was also the day for Minnetonka's homecoming dance.  Things have changed since I was in school.  There was no bus to take her to Roseville High School, only me.  Long drive to make by 8am in the morning.  Since this was her first experience with debate, she wasn't sure what to expect.  Later she told me, kids were using laptops during their debates to both deliver their arguments as well as get evidence.  My, how times have changed.  Unfortunately, she lost all 4 of her rounds that day, but only by 1 point.  Next week, she can reevaluate her delivery and hopefully be more prepared for the other teams' arguments.  What is that phrase that Oprah always uses?  "When you know better, you do better."  I will be judging other schools at this week's tournament so it should be interesting.

Following the tournament, Becca had her first formal dance for Homecoming.  How exciting, right?  Well, if I am being truthful, the whole event was pretty overwhelming to me.  You see, I have no experience with this particular part of high school.  I'm not going to go into lots of gory details, but suffice it to say, I had a pretty dysfunctional childhood where high school dances were not part of the landscape.  A few weeks ago, we shopped for a dress which was fun (anyone who knows me, knows that having an excuse to go shopping puts me in my "happy place"), but as the date grew closer, my anxiety about the whole thing started to grow.  There was the dinner before hand, the friends I had never met, the accessories for the dress, her hair...  All the details began to take on a life of their own.  My sister was great, giving Becca shoes that looked great with the dress and getting her all excited about the event; a role I was having trouble playing.  Thank goodness for Erick!  He understood my anxiety (well, understood might be a strong word...more like accepted) and said he would drive her and meet the parents of the other kids.  Of course everything went fine.  Becca had lots of fun with her friends, but found the dance itself to be boring and a bit of a let down.  She sure looked pretty in her dress! Having been through this whole dance thing once, will help me manage my expectations in the future.  One can only hope..

Harry continues to exceed my expectations in school.  He hasn't had any big tests yet, but he remains focused and diligent about doing his homework, even with the added stress of football practices 4x a week.  This week, he has talked about how much he likes Latin and how he hopes to be tri-lingual some day (that Tri includes English, Latin, and Spanish).  I think he enjoys Eagle Ridge and he accepts the high academic expectations it sets for its students.  There have been a few times now that Harry has had late assignments.  It's not that he didn't do the work, it's more of an organizational issue.  One day he forgot it in his locker and showed it to the teacher later in the day.  One day he left the finished work at home.  Either way, the result is the same: half credit.  Tough lessons to learn, but they will be valuable to him later in life.

Bella has had a tough week.  I think the rigours of getting up early and having swimming 5x a week was taking a big toll.  This week, I decided to drop her swimming to 4 days instead of 5, a schedule that I think will fit her better.  It was the plan all along to adjust to 4 days at the end of October when Harry was done with football so we could go to church activities on Wednesdays.  We just decided to make the switch earlier.  Watching her in swimming is both rewarding and heartbreaking at the same time.  When I am realistic about my expectations for her, I am much happier.  She has made so much progress.  She is able to get across the pool with much more ease now and her endurance seems to be building.  Still, sometimes it is common to have unrealistic expectations for her.  When there is a day (or two) where she struggles, I focus on the problems, rather than how far she has come.  Then I shake the sanity back into my head and realize that I am lucky that she loves swimming so much because it helps her muscles so much and also remind myself that when she is out there with the other kids, she is working 3x harder than they are due to her inability to hear the directions/cues and also her physical issues.  That's the funny thing about expectations.  I think it is easy to have some met then continue to raise your expectations without a lot of thought about whether you should keep expecting more and more. 

This week I am focusing on keeping my expectations in check.  I am using this quote as a guide, "The best things in life are unexpected-because there were no expectations." Eli Khamarov

We're Going to Rock Around the Clock Tonight...

So I start this post with a friendly household cleaning tip. If you ever have nail polish spilled on a hardwood floor use Tresemme hairspray and a magic eraser for easy (or should I say easier) removal. Thank goodness for Google and its infinite wisdom! You might wonder what prompted me to share this tip. That would be the bright red nail polish that was knocked off my dresser by my cats, during the middle of the night, and greeted me at 5:45am when I woke up to start my day last Thursday. Anyway, you never know when such a tip might be helpful to you, so I pass it on my friends.

In addition to the nail polish fiasco, our household was buzzing with events this week.  On Saturday it was a crazy schedule where we went from one event to another.  First we attended "Rockin' the Ridge".  It was a fundraiser/carnival event at Harry's school Eagle Ridge.  There were lots of inflatables, games, food, and music.  There was a staff rock band and I could just see dreaming of a day he would be in his own band.  Harry had a great time.  He was a finalist in the pie eating competition.  If that surprises you, it really shouldn't.  Harry will pretty much do anything for fame, glory, or cash.  I am hoping that changes FAST!

After the carnival, it was off to Harry's football game.  It was a home game against the BIG (I'm serious, their players are about twice the size of ours usually), bad Eden Prairie.  One of my sisters (who lives in EP and is pictured above with me, Becca and one of her daughters) came to visit.  The fun surprise?  She brought my other sister, who recently moved to Seattle.  It was fun catching up.  She has also started blogging.  Check out her blog.  She always has a unique way of seeing things and she shares funny stories about her two adorable children.  BTW, I stole the picture of Becca and me at the football game from her.  Hope you don't mind, sis!  The other pictures of Harry playing football are courtesy of my other sister.

As if a carnival and a football game in one day was just not enough adventure for the Rowe's, we continued our day with a dinner at Bennihana's.  It was a dinner to celebrate the kids adjusting well to their new schools and surviving.  Why so soon in the school year for a reward?  Well, I'm sure most of you have heard that you should catch your children doing good and praise them for it, so that they don't always hear you complaining about what they do wrong.  You never know how fast things can change and right now school is going well, so we decided to "catch" them now, before we may need to have another kind of discussion.  Bennihana's is a fun restaurant where the Japanese chefs cook at your table and are filled with culinary tricks.  It was a fun night, but when we got home at 9pm, all of us were exhasted!

Make New Friends, but Keep the Old...

So it is once again fall in MN. Time to enjoy the last bits of sun and warmth before the frozen tundra arrives. In homeschool, Bella and I are talking about which months fall into which seasons. When I teach, we talk about how every season is about 3 months because there are a total of 4 seasons over a period of 12 months. Her question to me, "If all the seasons are the same number of months, why does winter feel so much longer than summer?" My answer, "Because you live in MN, my dear."

To me Fall is all about friendship. It's about making new friends and also reestablishing friendships that might have been neglected over the busy summer months. Becca has been busy adjusting to her new high school. She has decided to join the debate team (okay, I may have had something to do with that) and she has made a friend on the team. A formal homecoming dance is rapidly approaching and Becca is working out the details of how she will attend her 1st debate tournament and make it to the dance on time. She has also been telling me about the limos, dinners, and other "homecoming accessories" that kids at school are talking about. Really 9th grade and already I am facing this? Wow...

Harry is busy adjusting to his new school and also making new friends. He seems happy at his new school and is slowly adjusting to his crazy schedule of 2 hours of homework and football 4 times a week. Luckily the football season only lasts another 4 weeks. He has been playing running back in a few football games which is exciting. Last night, his team came up against Eden Prairie and lost 21-0. Erick said Eden Prairie had "men" on their team, or "boys" that were 6 feet tall and about 180 lbs. He also has a game on Saturday so we are hoping for a better outcome.

Bella is also adapting to her schedule of school and swim team. On her swim team, she has the option of going 5 nights a week and that is what we have been doing to help build up her endurance. She has a friend at swimming who she really enjoys seeing everyday. Yesterday she complained of her arms being sore. I asked if she wanted to stay home, but she said "no" and I gave her some Motrin. Bad Mom? Maybe. Lots of days, my sole mission is to maintain peace and avoid angry outbursts. At school, Bella has met a new friend whose name is Isabella. She is from Ecuador. Bella thinks it's fun that they have the same name and that was really the common element that cemented the friendship. Isabella is travelling back to Ecuador for the next few weeks, so I hope they can reconnect after that.

Last weekend the Rowe Family attended the yearly Cochlear Implant picnic for the University of MN. Bella really looks forward to seeing the other kids with implants. It's amazing how fast kids make friends! As you can see from the picture, it was a beautiful day and all the kids had fun playing at the playground. Becca, Harry, and Bella all played together at the park and it was amazing! There was no fighting or yelling for an extended period of time. Erick and I just sat back and enjoyed the peace.

In my spare time (insert laughter here), I have also been trying to connect with friends, old and new. I have met a few parents from Harry's new school that seem really nice. I'd like to find some connections at Becca's school as a way to "stay in the loop." It's hard not knowing the ins and outs of the school, and it is just SO BIG!

As some of you know, I'm a bit of a TV addict so Fall also brings me comfort with new seasons of my favorite shows. It may be kind of lame, but at the end of the day, I'm ready to spend some time vegging out with those "friends"...

All We Need is a Little Patience...

So today I decided to run to the grocery store during my 3 hours of free time between homeschool and afternoon activities. I was also trying to fit in a workout class so I was on a tight schedule. At the checkout line I found myself behind a customer who had a very complicated order and had divided their complicated order into 3 separate transactions. Of course I didn't realize this fact until after I had unloaded my whole cart of groceries onto the conveyor. My first reaction was one of fury, anger and self pity. How could I be so unlucky as to run into the one lane with problems? I only have a little bit of time and this is what I get? Then, I stopped myself. What good was my negativity going to do? Was it going to change the situation? No, all it was going to do was feed my anger and resentment of the person in front of me. So I stopped and took a new approach. Now, please understand this is not my usual format. I don't even know what prompted me to stop. Perhaps it all those Oprah episodes on being a better person that had infiltrated my subconscious. Who knows?

Whatever the reason for the change, I found myself wondering why I was in this position. Not in a negative way, more in a moment of curiosity, searching for a "greater meaning". With all that has happened in my life over the years, I have adapted an "everything happens for a reason" mentality. So why not this situation? I mean I have been super busy running around bringing kids to school, activities, and teaching Bella. Was this meant to be a break? Maybe a built in time for self reflection? A moment to breathe? I was locked in line with few choices. Ultimately I could have just left all the groceries and told someone I could no longer wait. It had already been 15 minutes waiting behind the man, and few people would have blamed me for this decision. The truth was I really didn't have to leave. Sure I was trying to make a class at the gym, but bottom line was that if I finished my checkout in the next 10 minutes, I would still make it in time for the class. So there I stood. Breathing in large, deep breaths to relax.

The ending of the story? I did make it to the gym on time. Patience is not my strong suit and slowing down and just "being" is outside of my comfort zone. So for 20 minutes I was forced to take a minute and "just be" even though it felt awkward and a little like having my hands and feet bound with ropes. Perhaps it was just what I needed at the time...

Breathe, Just Breathe...

Ahh..the first week of school. The unofficial end of summer and the start of what is shaping up to be a crazy schedule for the Rowe Family. With Erick on a business trip to Milan all week, it was up to me to ensure that everyone woke up, arrived at their schools safely, ate, finished their homework, and got to after school activities on time. Anyone who is, or who has every been a parent knows that list is much easier to write down than it is to actually perform. Especially during the first week where nerves and a lack of sleep are factors.

Lessons learned this week:

1. Getting up at 5:45am is easier to do in theory.

2. Homework done in the car by a child can lead to needing a car wash later in the day when "said" child vomits out the window on the side of the car after getting carsick.

3. When a school says you will get 2 hours of homework a night, you will get 2 hours of homework a night.

4. Going to bed at 9pm isn't just for kids if you want to be able to survive and function well the next day.

5. No matter how many times you ask the question, "Are you ready to go," someone will inevitably have to run up the stairs at the last minute for something before you walk out the door.

One week of school down, WAY too many to go...